It was the job I'd always wanted.
Even if I hadn't been the one in the end to make the damn thing work, missing the vital piece of the puzzle that enabled the Stargate to function, I still felt as though I'd been overlooked unjustly when I read about the first mission to Abydos.
So, when my chance finally came, I jumped at it - I ignored all my dad's plotting to get me into NASA, knowing, though I could never tell him about it, that this particular route to the stars was more likely to satisfy my wildest dreams in a way that shuttle missions never could.
Of course, I've always been used to being the odd one out, wherever I've been. I'm glad to say physics isn't as 'male' a subject as it used to be, but I've always been in the minority.
In some ways, being female is of benefit - you get to work with all sorts of people, because, rightly or not, they may well see you as less of a threat. And becoming friends with the people I work with is nothing new either.
Of course, as time goes on, Mr. Right didn't appear on the scene, and after a few too many brushes with Mr. What-The-Hell-Were-You-Thinking-?, the novelty of being a single Air Force captain starts to wear a little thin. Still, there's always that sneaking suspicion there - the next posting might be the one, that sort of thing.
I wasn't actively looking for someone, but since when has that ever stopped anyone? I defy anyone to tell me that, even if they're in a relationship that gives them everything they need, they stop looking.
So, of course, even as I was meeting all of them, my brain was working on the subject at hand, cataloguing the possibilities, considering and discarding them at light speed...
First off, there was the colonel.
It's not that I'm not into older men, I don't have a problem that way, and as time has gone on I've become quite fond of Colonel O'Neill. I think the grey hair suits him, though I'm sure he might not like to think I've noticed this obvious marker of time passed and traumatic events weathered.
It's just that every woman in uniform, hell, every woman anywhere, knows that falling for someone who's your boss is bad news. Not only do you still have to try to work with them, if anyone finds out about it whatever you achieve by your own effort will be instantly labelled as the result of you putting out. And that's without considering the whole fraternisation thing.
Kawalsky - not my type. I could see that from the moment I set eyes on him. We would have absolutely nothing in common.
And then I met Daniel.
I don't know quite what I'd been expecting, though I'd read all about him, practically memorising his writings on the Stargate. I knew he was brilliant, knew he'd been ridiculed by the academic establishment, but I had no idea what kind of package would hold such a quicksilver mind.
I managed to stop myself from gushing too much, which was more than I'd managed with the colonel. One look at those blue eyes, the intelligence and humanity laid out there for anyone who cared to look, and I was gone.
But he was married, and very happily by all evidence. That was enough to keep the hormones under control, for me at least. I know not everyone plays by the same rules, but I've always tried to avoid getting into relationships with people who are already involved - I figure I wouldn't want anyone to do it to me, so I have to treat other people's liaisons with respect as well.
As a result, I got lucky in a completely unexpected way. I got to have Daniel as a friend, which was an unexpected bonus in joining the SGC.
I've got a brother, but we were never quite as close as Daniel and I - I guess it's hard to deal with the idea that your kid sister might well be smarter than you are! No danger of that with Daniel, as we're much more evenly matched in that department.
And when Daniel lost Sha're, there were practically queues round the block for the job of trying to take his mind off it. After all, everyone saw how devoted he was to her - the team that'd gone to Abydos the second time seemed determined to describe the way Sha're had kissed him in great detail too. What woman in her right mind wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that kind of adoration?
Me? No, I realised that I value Daniel's friendship, his acceptance of me without any of the macho bullshit I've had to put up with along the way, too much to jeopardise it for a relationship I'm not convinced would work anyway. We're too different, our outlooks on life make us majorly incompatible, and anyway it would just feel wrong.
Besides which, I've seen the way the colonel looks at him when he thinks no-one else is noticing. No chance of Daniel spotting those surreptitious glances, as he always seems to time it for when some interesting artifact or inscription makes its appearance.
Contrary to popular opinion, and rumours about Daniel having a girl on every planet, that's really not the way he is. Like in his work, he strikes me as being very single-minded. If he ever figures out how the colonel feels about him, and he feels the same way too, I don't think there's much chance of the colonel escaping!
Remember what I said earlier about not wanting to get in the middle of someone else's relationship?
Well, they might never figure it out - and I'm not prepared to try and play matchmaker. I'm just happy to be along for the ride, hoping they'll work it out on their own and ready to help pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong.
After all, what else are friends for?
Disclaimer : Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is written for entertainment purposes only - no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story-line are the property of the author - not to be archived elsewhere without permission.
This page created by Graculus - last changed 30/4/2000.